


The Rebecca Bear

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [9]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bittersweet, Developing Relationship, Empathy, Episode Related, Episode: s02e15 Journey to Babel, Friendship, M/M, Sehlat, Vulcan Animals, stuffed toy, teddy bear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: After McCoy and Kirk learn about Spock's pet sehlat from Spock's mother, McCoy gets concerned because Spock led such a lonely, deprived childhood.





	1. The Pet Sehlat

"Can you imagine that, Jim?" McCoy frowned as he sat absently deep in thought. His dress tunic was open at the collar as he relaxed with a drink of bourbon in Kirk's quarters after the official reception. Spock wasn't with them this time, as he was visiting with his parents Amanda Grayson, the Earthling wife of Sarek, Spock's father. Sarek was also the head of the Vulcan group of diplomats, who along with diplomats from other planets, were all aboard the Enterprise and heading for an intergalactic peace conference.

"What's that, Bones?" Kirk asked on cue as he studied the golden lights sparkling in his bourbon. He liked it when the whiskey talked to him the way it was doing now. At times like this, he could understand why McCoy liked his drinking so much. "What has you impressed now? That Spock actually has parents? Who actually claim him, and everything?"

"Well, he never did mention them, per say. I guess it never came up in conversation. Of course, intellectually I KNEW that there was a man and a woman somewhere on Vulcan who had spawned him. I'm a medical man. I've taken biology. I know how that sort of thing works."

Kirk frowned. That rarely happened when he thought about Spock's behavior, but he was frowning now. "I just never knew that his parents were such important people. It would've been nice of him to have clued us in before we stood there like country bumpkins with our mouths hanging open when we realized that the head of the Vulcan diplomatic delegation was Spock's father." 

"How long does it take to say that your father runs a planet and that you're in line for the position? How many words would it have taken to mention that your mother is a stunning beauty from Earth who was a pioneer in teaching?"

"I guess it took more time than he was willing to give us," Kirk mumbled as he sipped at his drink. "But I have a feeling that isn't what you first had on your mind when you started this line of conversation."

"It wasn't. I was referring to when Spock was growing up. Did you hear that sad story that his mother told? I was teasing him, but I also was thinking of how sad it all was. He never had a real teddy bear to play with. Just some living bearlike critter with six inch fangs. It probably had a personality to match those fangs. That must've not been too pleasant to try to cuddle up with. A sehlat, he called it. Doesn't sound like anything I would've wanted around me. I would've have known when the bastard would decide that I would make a tasty snack. Especially if I was a kid, like Spock was at the time."

"Now, Bones," Jim Kirk said with a languid smile. "Maybe beauty was in the eyes of the beholder. You don't know what appealed to a Vulcan child."

"Well, it probably matched any other aspect of the planet of Vulcan, that's for damn sure. Why, I bet that Spock never even had any stuffed toys when he was little." McCoy looked up in amazement. "Maybe he never even had any toys, at all, to play with and to dream about." He frowned again. "What kind of childhood was that?"

"Maybe it was the norm for Vulcan children. I have a feeling that nothing was normal about the way that Spock grew up. Not what we'd call normal, that is."

"But Amanda Grayson was an Earthling. She would've probably sneaked in some elements of an Earth childhood. She was a teacher, after all. It looks like it would've been natural for her to have taught her own child about being a child."

"Maybe Sarek didn't permit it."

"Excuse me! I think that Amanda Grayson has that Vulcan husband of hers so wrapped around her little finger that he couldn't ever get loose from her. No, she rules the roost in that household, and Sarek is damn happy about that arrangement. Whatever Miss Amanda wants, Miss Amanda gets."

"I think that Sarek and Amanda found a love match in each other, and they've never really gotten past the honeymoon stage in their relationship. They are as much in love with each other now as the day when they both first realized it. It's as fresh for them as just cut flowers. Bringing Spock into the world was an added bonus, more than he was a welcomed child. Sarek got an heir, otherwise he acts like he couldn't have cared less for Spock's presence. Amanda, well, Amanda, like most women, wanted to produce a child. Beyond that, she seems not to care all that much about him."

"Ouch, Jim. That's harsh. But probably true."

"Oh, I'm not saying that she doesn't have the maternal instinct. I'm just saying that she's Sarek's wife more than she is Spock's mother. If push came to shove, she'd support Sarek's interests over Spock's."

"Spock was probably a third wheel in that family, alright. He was supposed to act in a certain way, but not have any life outside of filling a certain slot in the royal household. His future function was cut out for him: be the royal son until he became the royal leader. And then he had the audacity to attend Star Fleet instead of the Vulcan Science Academy. Talk about rebelling."

Kirk gave McCoy another languid smile. "It just took Spock longer to rebel than the rest of us, that's all."

McCoy looked thoughtful. "The poor devil must've known that there was something else more for him out in the universe than what Life was offering him back on Vulcan." McCoy looked startled. "And he got us? You and me and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise? I wonder if it's been worth it to him? Is he satisfied with his sacrifice?"

Kirk arched an eyebrow along with his knowing smile. "He's still with us, isn't he?"

McCoy's face reflected the awe that he was feeling. "Kinda puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? We must important as hell to him!"

Kirk took a healthy belt of his drink. "That we are."

"Then why doesn't he admit it to us?!"

"Things will come in their proper time, Bones. Just know that it's there and it's real."

"Don't you start sounding mysterious and all-knowing like a certain Vulcan around here."

That got Kirk's attention. He looked up. "Bones. Cut the guy some slack. There's some things that a guy can't, or won't, say. You just have to assume them."

"Maybe I'm the kind of guy who likes to hear the mushy stuff," McCoy growled.

"Well, you're not going to hear them. Not from him. He doesn't like to do anything emotional. You know that he has a constant battle with his feelings."

"It'd just be nice to hear, that's all that I'm saying."

"Just because he doesn't say them doesn't mean that he doesn't feel them. You gotta remember that he was suppressed from saying things like that as a child. His parents were lovey-dovey to each other, but not to him. Boys his own age were prejudiced toward him because of his mixed parentage. It didn't matter that he was the son of the ruler and would someday be their chief administrator. Spock was still a half-breed."

"Poor bastard!" McCoy muttered. "What a childhood!"

"That's right. Literally, he was considered a bastard."

"But I didn't mean that the way it sounded!"

"I know you didn't."

"It makes no difference to me if he crawled up out of the pounding surf, or if Zeus pulled Spock full-grown out of his forehead! He's my crew mate and the best First Officer in the Fleet!"

"I know, Bones. Don't get so adamant. I'm on your side. I'm a Spock fan, too."

"Why, he's saved my life on landing missions and in sickbay! Many times! He's one of the most honorable and courageous people I know! And I'll fight the first bastard who says otherwise! I don't care if he's heir to Vulcan's ruling house, or half of this and half of that! He's my friend, and that's all that counts!"

"That's right. And that's the way that he wants to be treated. He is royalty, but he doesn't want to be treated special because of that. He's like the rest of us. He wants to be included because he's earned it and he deserves a place with us, not because he's different. Is that so hard to accept?"

"Not for me!"

"You're kinda hard on him sometimes," Kirk reminded him gently.

"I just like poking a stick at him sometimes. He can act so high and mighty. Couldn't he act like a regular person, just a little bit?"

Kirk returned to his lazy smile as he sat back in his easy chair. "But then would he be Spock?"

McCoy grimaced. "No. But--" He thought a moment. "You're right. But it's a wonder that he's as normal as he is."

"I knew you'd see it my way."

McCoy grimaced. "The guy should've had a teddy bear when he was a kid, though. That just doesn't seem right that he didn't."

"Maybe that oversight could be corrected, Bones."

McCoy looked up, puzzled. "Hmm? What are you saying, Jim?" 

"I'm saying that there's a little child in every adult, and that little child is crying for all of the teddy bears that it never got in childhood." Kirk knew that his rhetoric was corny, but sometimes cornball words were what was needed to make the right impression.

"Hmm," McCoy said as he pondered Kirk's words.

Kirk sipped his bourbon in pleasure. He wasn't the grandson of an Iowa farmer for nothing. He was still planting seeds. They just weren't placed in fields anymore. But they were still scattered in fertile ground.


	2. The Teddy Bear

Spock stared at the brown plush teddy bear that he had just been handed. "What am I supposed to do with this object, Dr. McCoy?"

"It's what the bear can do for you, Spock," McCoy answered magnanimously.

Spock looked up, puzzled. "Do? Is it supposed to be doing something? It is just sitting here in my hands."

"Just hold it and feel how soft it is."

Spock squeezed the soft toy. "It is pliable."

"That's so it can snuggle with you."

Spock looked alarmed. "Why would I want to snuggle with it?"

"To give you reassurance."

Spock stared at the vacant, yet kindly look on the bear's face.

"How does it do that?"

"Just by being there for you, Spock," McCoy said softly. "It will love you when no one else will."

"But it does not move or do anything that I can ascertain."

"There's something reassuring about that, Spock. The bear does not judge or qualify. It will just be there, ready to listen. Ready to be company when no one else is around."

Spock handed the bear toward McCoy. "It is a child's toy. I am not a child."

"You are a dreamer, Spock. We all need someone to hear our dreams. Rebecca will always listen to you. She will always be here for you."

"Rebecca?"

"The name of a friend. A good, helpful, true friend. She will never let you down. All she wants is to be your friend. You will allow that, won't you? You always have room in your life for more friends, don't you? I know that I do. Why, I could do with a dozen more like you, in fact," McCoy informed expansively.

Spock frowned. "A dozen more like me?"

McCoy's grin was self-deprecating. "Well, maybe not just exactly like you. I guess I gotta be honest here. I think I could stand having only one Mr. Spock in my life." McCoy sobered. He decided to take a chance. "But I'm glad for the one that I do have, understand?" McCoy knew he was really putting himself in harm's way with his honesty. "I may not say it enough, but I'm glad that I know you. You've been one helluva experience, though, and that's putting it mildly. But I'd go through it again with you, okay?"

Then McCoy waited. This was the place where Spock was supposed to say that he liked McCoy, too. And, if Spock was feeling particularly expansive the way that McCoy had just now felt, Spock could tell McCoy just what in particular that he liked about McCoy. They could both come clean about this friendship thing. Hell, they could even admit to a buddy feeling between them. Maybe they'd even want to belt back a few together, even if alcohol had no effect on Spock. It was the idea of sharing that was important. Here was Spock's golden opportunity. No one else was around. It was just them and an appealing brown plush teddy bear who just wanted to be loved.

The occasion of a thoughtful and carefully chosen gift would surely soften even the stoutest Vulcan heart. After all, just look at the face on that bear! Spock probably hadn't received many gifts in his lifetime. And this gift came with a great deal of thought behind it. This one must surely be making an impression on him.

So McCoy waited for Spock to speak, amazed even that he waited with bated breath. This was an important moment for both of them. McCoy had extended himself. Would Spock reciprocate?

Kirk could have told McCoy that he waited in vain. Spock could only give what Spock was willing or able to give. Spock could not live up to the expectations of someone else. Kirk took what Spock gave him and was happy. Kirk's philosophy seemed to be that McCoy should do likewise. But, damn it! Spock seemed to give Kirk more of himself than he gave to anyone else. But McCoy knew that part of Spock's attentiveness to Kirk was admiration that almost verged on hero worship. 

But who could blame Spock?! James T. Kirk was one helluva package! Hell, McCoy loved Kirk, too. Who didn't? Well, the bad guys, McCoy conceded. But they probably all gave Kirk a secret look of admiration and even longing in their loins. Kirk was just one helluva guy. Charismatic. Charming. Capable. Damn lucky. And a helluva lot of fun to be around. He even knew where the good fights were that made a guy feel good about himself, whether he won the fights or not.

Who could blame a Vulcan for not being able to resist him?

And that brought up another question. A biggie, actually.

So, how could Leonard McCoy stack up against James T. Kirk in a popularity contest?

No contest! No contest, at all!

"Just take the bear, alright?" McCoy demanded, suddenly querulous. The damn Vulcan wasn't going to seize on his opportunity to say what McCoy wanted to hear. Kirk had been right, after all. Not even a jackhammer would soften up this damn Vulcan!

McCoy felt like grabbing back the stuffed toy, but he did not want to seem petty. It'd be like ripping candy off the tongue of a jubilant child. Besides, McCoy knew that doing anything that childish would not make him feel any better, only more querulous. He supposed that he should be happy that Spock did not shove the bear roughly into his hands or drop the poor thing onto the cold floor of the Enterprise.

But McCoy was still pissed off. He wanted to spin on his heel before he unleashed all of the unkind, hurtful things that the Vulcan was making him feel. No need for two people to have hurt egos, though, over this fiasco.

Please, Vulcan, for just once listen with your heart and not your head! Believe in my good intentions!

Spock had seen McCoy's disposition change from friendly, well-meaning largess to disappointed anger that he could barely contain. Spock realized that he had offended McCoy in some way, but really didn't understand how. He did not want to hurt McCoy or anger him, but he clearly had in some mysterious way.

Spock's obvious bafflement only angered McCoy further who now turned and stomped away. It was ended! Let the Vulcan eat the damn bear for breakfast if he wanted!

Spock knew that he had to correct this misunderstanding somehow.

"Dr. McCoy."

"What?!" McCoy snapped as he spun. He saw Spock's contrite face and tried to hold his temper. Think of the Vulcan, not of yourself, he told himself. Think of the Vulcan, not of yourself. The words were like a mantra singing through McCoy's head. But it sure as hell wasn't going to be easy to comply with what he was telling himself.

"The bear," Spock said with the stuffed toy held out slightly as if it was a piece of offal that hadn't yet begun to stink, but he knew that it would if it was only given enough time. "The, ah, teddy, bear."

"Yeah?! What about it?!" McCoy snapped as his eyes punctuated what he was saying. Worse yet, the eyes were reflecting what he was trying very hard not to say. But he was trying! Jim, hell; his parents, hell; any psychiatrist, hell; Jocelyn, hell! Hell, anybody who knew his volatile temper, would be proud of him for his restraint.

"Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift," Spock said carefully. He wanted to get this thanks said correctly. Spock wasn't as dense as McCoy supposed. He knew that McCoy had made a genuine gesture toward him, and he really didn't want to hurt McCoy's feelings or seem callous or ungrateful.

Those words calmed McCoy immensely. Spock wasn't rejecting the bear when he held it out. He just didn't know how to hold it.

"You are most welcome," McCoy uttered precisely and thought back to his own childhood when he had been forced to give and to receive gifts according to a time honored ritual with its accompanying well rehearsed dialogue. Thank goodness for that training! No! Thank you, Mother, for making me go to those stilted dancing lessons and stylized birthday parties when I would have much sooner been playing a pickup baseball game with the guys down on the deserted parking lot behind the closed mercantile store.

"I will try to give Rebecca a good home."

Much calmer now, McCoy favored Spock with a weary smile. "That would be most decent of you, Spock. She's got a good heart and wants only to share it with you." Where was he getting this stuff?! It sounded corny even to him, and it was coming out of his mouth! Then McCoy realized that it wasn't corny. He sincerely meant what he was saying. He hoped that Spock recognized it as sincerity, also.

"I know that a teddy bear can't replace a sehlat, Spock, but perhaps it will serve the same purpose. It will never judge you. Something I'm guilty of, I expect."

"You do not do it to ridicule me or to be malicious, Doctor."

A look of gratitude went over McCoy's face. "I'm glad that you understand that, Spock. I mean no harm by what I do." He grinned nervously. "After all, that's part of the oath I took when I became a doctor." He sobered. "Besides, a stuffed bear will be a lot less dangerous to have around than a sehlat," he finished lamely.

"A sehlat may seem fierce to you and not a good pet choice for a youth, Doctor. But mine listened to me and accompanied me on many adventures. My other childhood companions did not. In fact, they ridiculed me and called me names."

"I'm sorry about that. No wonder you thought so much of your sehlat."

"I want you to know that I loved my pet sehlat."

McCoy tried not to draw his breath in too sharply. He knew what an effort it was taking for Spock even to use the word 'love' about anything. McCoy could see the struggle that Spock was undergoing to control his emotions, yet Spock was determined to say what still needed to be said.

"He was a great friend to me, and I cried when he died."

McCoy felt frozen. Spock was sharing and making himself vulnerable. McCoy needed to share, too, so they would have a common bond and to save Spock's pride.

"That must have been a terrible blow. I can understand the feeling. I had a dog once." McCoy thought back and halfway smiled with the memory he was reliving. "He was a mutt, actually. Never was afraid of anything. Followed me everywhere. Smart as a whip." His grin deepened. "Probably smarter than me, too." Then he seemed to remember Spock and looked at him again. "And I remember how empty I felt when I lost him. Nothing can ever replace those animals for either of us. They loved us unconditionally." He frowned. "Well, at least my dog did. I don't know if love softens a sehlat's disposition any. You've got all your body parts, so at least the sehlat didn't chew on you any." He pursed his lips. "But my point is still true. Nothing can ever replace those animals for us."

"Perhaps not, but other things come along to create new places in our life experiences. Special interests. Careers. Memories." He paused and gave McCoy a significant look. "Certain people."

McCoy's eyes glowed. "That they do." He also knew, just by the way that Spock had said it, that he was one of those special people. Jim Kirk was wrong. Spock could say it, because he just did! He just had to find his own way to do so. And McCoy would take it. Hell, he was certain that Spock had never said anything so intimate to anyone else about anything!

Spock drew himself up. He felt that he had gone too far; and it was enough, for today. But he sensed that he could trust McCoy, perhaps as much as he trusted Kirk.

Spock glanced at the bear. "I will try to make certain that she is never lonely and is always honored."

"That's all that I can ask," McCoy replied. Then he wondered about what Spock had said. Was it also a dismissal?

Suddenly, there was an awkwardness about them, and McCoy realized that he had become the fifth wheel as he watched Spock looking down at his new friend.

"Well, see you at dinner then, Mr. Spock."

Spock looked up with a placid face. "Most assuredly, Dr. McCoy."

Spock was back in his shell again, and McCoy recognized it as such. But he'd been allowed a glimpse inside the sturdy Vulcan shell. And, for today, it was enough.

McCoy smiled warmly, although he knew that Spock wouldn't return it. That was Spock's way, after all, and McCoy wouldn't change one bit of what was Spock. Jim had been right about that much. He was pretty smart, when you thought about it.

McCoy's smile changed into a smirk. Jim Kirk was a pretty smart bastard about a lot of things! Hadn't he gotten McCoy to give a teddy bear to Spock?!

Without needing any further words from Spock, McCoy turned and walked away to leave Spock and his new companion alone.

Even McCoy's footsteps had echoed away before Spock finally lifted the teddy bear in his hand up to his face to study it. No great intelligence shone out of its black, beady eyes back at Spock. But there was no prejudice or judgment there, either.

"So. Rebecca," Spock said solemnly to the brown confection before him. "Do you want to be friends? With me?"

Rebecca's tolerant look never wavered. Nor did it turn away. It met Spock's stare head on, as if their relationship was just some sort of blank slate.

"Are you lonely, Rebecca?" Spock asked more intimately. "Do you yearn for companionship?" Spock thought. "There are times that I do." He studied the bear. "I believe that I am safe to admit that to you." He studied the non-judgmental bear some more and said what was suddenly in his heart and mind. "Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?"

The placid demeanor of the brown plush teddy bear never wavered.

Spock gingerly hugged the bear against his chest. When he felt no resistance, he gave into his emotion and hugged the bear tighter against himself with all of the yearnings in his little boy's heart. And the greatest feeling of all came when it felt as if the bear hugged him back.

That hug felt so good for both of them.

"Do not worry, Rebecca," Spock vowed as he ignored the tears straining his voice and making it sound unnatural. "I will take care of you." He pulled back and looked into the face of the bear. "And we will be very good friends, indeed. Come, let me show you to your new home."

Then they walked away toward his quarters, just a lost little boy and his new teddy bear friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
